For the ColOmbian--my dream last night...

A lot had happened, but I can't remember now. But there were aliens invading the planet that looked like people. I had been going along with things until this point in the dream, when I realized I had to escape and get people ready to fight. I saw a car driving down the street and flagged it down. By this time the "aliens" or people siding with them knew I knew. I jumped into the car told the driver to go. We were driving in very hilly country, very convoluted, and I was trying to explain that we needed to hide because the planet was being taken over. I was crying very hard. I noticed a car and some people from far away--or maybe I knew that was out there and didn't really see it. (In my dreams, I seem to know what other things are going on that aren't in front of me). And we ended up in this barrack of sorts--again it was very convoluted, more like a house with a lot of rooms and staircases. There were some people from church there, but I didn't really talk to any of them. I was really upset and the person that drove me clearly was this taller man with blonde hair and a scruffy beard. He came over to me and held me because I was so upset. Then he kissed me--and, well, things progressed. I think I figured since it was the end of the world...you know. But then I "knew" that we wouldn't die that night, that I'd get pregnant and we'd still be living in this house by the time the baby was born. And then I think I woke up. I had another dream later--just as convoluted, kind of about the summer program I work for, but I can't remember enough. It was not as dramatic though.

Dreams, anyone? Can you top that?

This dream was from last Saturday:

Two dreams last night. The first one had some sort of reenactment from Pirates of the Caribbean--some sort of sword fight I think. But then there were ghosts. I frequently have dreams like this, some unknown force is going to be unleashed, some ghosty thing. I don't remember the details now. I wake up suddenly and in a fright. It took me a second to realize it was a dream. The second dream I was wandering around this huge corporation--my bosses had left and I didn't have anything to do so I kept wandering around--through a grocery store, a long stair case, an empty lunch room.

...Do other people dream like I do?

I've been studying self-control for the last 4 days:

1 Peter 5:8-10 "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself RESTORE you and make you STRONG, FIRM, and STEADFAST."

God has to give it to you somehow. It is given through grace. And I think just now: Self-control is a lion-tamer. The lion-tamer creates direction and purpose. Is wary and aware. Is awake and on watch. Not always in action but always present.

I've been wondering too--what's the difference between being wronged and feeling wronged? Ultimately, does it matter? Don't you have to go through the same steps no matter what?

So for Lent I'm delving into a long history of emotional habits which is exhausting and interesting--this past year has been a strange season, a season in the making for probably 27 years. I've done a lot of crying. But I don't mind. I love crying. I've felt it building up over the past couple weeks. I think it helps the body flush out whatever shit it's keeping inside--emotional shitting, maybe. It's much more romantic than that sounds though. Emotional peeing is more appropriate, but I don't like the sound of that either. I was surprised that I cried considering how apathetic I felt all day. I attribute this all to hormones and a compromised emotional life.I'm also meditating on the fruits of the spirit, a different one every five days. This blog will be laden with deep thoughts and bible verses until Easter, and then it will hopefully develop into more of the standard whimsical, quipped blogs that I love to read everyday.

Some thoughts on peace and patience:

Images of Peace--a floating bobber. It can't go down. Or a bright green leaf, curving with a slight spin, droplets of water reflecting warm sunlight. Peace acts like a warrior, keeping peril at bay, but I like the idea of him coming home at night with big arms to wrap around me. The perfect position of pillow and heavy blanket surrounding my body after a long busy day, blood settling down in the bed. And deep sighs. Ever took the time to completely allow your breath to escape from your lungs. It takes a lot longer than you think.

Peace is a protectant, like those polymers or sythetic goos they put on medical instruments. It doesn't let gunk touch what's valuable. Christ gives us peace. I like to think of that as not having to work for it. Buddhism bothers me because I feel like there's so much work to attain this peace--no grace. You do all the work. Christ offers us this. Now there is some work involved, and I haven't found a clever quip to come back with yet. Because I've had to fight for peace lately. But that's what He promised, and I'm sticking to it.

"Patience has an end. It does no wait forever without good reason."

Patience is so important. Its the stuff that feeds peace. The gas that makes it go. I actually enjoyed the distraction of working today. Getting a CD and buying pork roast. Cutting up garlic and realizing the only thing going on in my head was a song on the radio that now I can't remember. Trying to memorize an Over the Rhine song in the car. Are these the things that make up patience?

Lastly, today, I'll leave you with a dream I had. My dreams are FREAKY.

OK, this was the end of the dream, but I know the Pastor was in it earlier--I was trying to show him something that I thought was very funny. Snuggles came up and wanted to take me on a late night airplane ride. So I get in this two seater and buckle up with two seat belts and we take off. I didn't know she had learned to fly, but she was saying how romantic it was (and I felt bad that she was with me and not some man). I realized she was taking me to California--which was not the state, but a small town up in the Arctic circle. I watched the map below us and there were miles of land and then this big lake and then the town--it looked like the word Ludifus or something like that. I asked if the sun ever set there because I heard that happened up north and when we got there it was sunny. I wanted to head back because I knew it was really the middle of the night. It was a small town like Holland, MI, cold, but with the sun the townspeople were wearing shorts anyway. There was a parade, so Snuggles and I stopped to watch. B walked up--she had been visiting the town all day. As we sat a and talked some creepy teenager sat down and a tear rolled down B's cheek. I said plainly, "Is everything ok?" and she brushed it off. I thought I shouldn't have done that because I made her uncomfortable. Then another kid sat down close next to me and I yelled at him. He sat a little further away and I asked him his name. I didn't know if he spoke English, but he did and said in a thick accent "Timothy." So I started asking him about the parade. Turns out his friends paid him $5 to ask me a question--shoot, can't remember now. Then I woke up.